Specialization
Were you happier couple of years ago?
Maybe not really, or maybe you are not sure, but I grappled with this question after I saw photos of myself back in 2022, which is a year I particularly enjoyed.
I am aware of nostalgia and its biases but the happiness of that year transcends that.
I was wondering what went wrong these days and what changed, with emphasis on the latter question given that actually I am thankfully doing well in life.
The answer which asserted itself onto me was that at a young age- simply put, it is easier finding happiness in what you do. Normal activities like running or playing video games are more enjoyable when we are young.
Think of it this way, you are young, 16 let’s say, it is Saturday morning and there is a wide array of behaviors that you can engage in today. You can walk, hang out, play video games, cook etc. The vast majority of the behaviors you can work on are eligible to arouse significant amounts of happiness and simulate meaning.
Sooooo the question arises- do behaviors lose their meaning once we grow? It’s a more intricate story.
In the happy year of 2022, I was 17-18. Now in the year of our lord 2024, I am 19 turning 20 in August- so I have aged a little- which as we do, we mature of course. Maturing at teenage years is more profound than any other and I have certainly sensed that particularly in relation to my manliness where I had transformed a lot. The range of ‘enjoyable’ behaviors has restricted substantially, a lot of once enjoyed behaviors are now less enjoyed. The range of fun behaviors is now strict. As boys and men mature from adolescents, we assume the most fundamental attributes of the male gender most notable providing (it is always said men are providers).
Providing is what brings meaning to men simply put. Plenty of men die within a year or two of their retirement, most likely from the stress of losing their meaning, just like a lot of men died of suicide from the offshoring of jobs in the early 2000s. According to the Center of Disease Control (CDC), suicides in the US increased 37% between 2000 and 2018 (See: Suicide Data and Statistics | Suicide Prevention | CDC). Providing is so important to the identity of men that it is the primary metric of value women look for in men-status, where men with better status are judged more attractively.
So what does that have to do with happiness, everyone and 2022. Well, when men assume this manly identity- it soon becomes that the behaviors that cause the most happiness in our lives are the ones that contribute most to providing and social status.
It is like boys, disapprove themselves internally whenever engaging in habits that do not contribute to the meaningful as we mentioned, causing us to become sad and depressed. What this will allude to is not only do conventional behaviors like watching random things on TV be no longer enjoyable- they become totally toxic and depressing. Sidenote I am really referring to watching TV in the context of meaningless watching, not watching TV per se. For instance you may be going over social media for couple of minutes for a good reason such as to stay up to date on the election, but this is totally different than doomscrolling for hours.
A funny example of this is the hilarious grievance girls make whenever asking the boys they know what they’re thinking about when going quiet for a while, and the boys say they’re not thinking of anything and even double down more sometimes saying they are thinking about the fact that they are not thinking about anything. This is allusive of course for younger, middle teen guys, where as we talked about the overarching theme, not being hypro-productive is not the end of the world at that age. You can get away with not being productive and that includes the state of not thinking of anything so to speak.
It is interesting because a double edge sword forms (not exactly). Do you remember the final section in Jordan Peterson’s 12 Rules For Life? He talks about general suffering arguing that what makes a baby adorable and awesome is its vulnerabilities and that extrapolates into our lives where vulnerability is what makes life meaningful as well. It is the vulnerability to lose the match that makes winning it meaningful, it is the prospect of getting rejected that makes starting a relationship meaningful (at least partly). But with vulnerability we open the door to suffering.
It is similar to the case we were talking about in maturing because the changes in our happiness isn’t limited to the negative feelings we are prone to experiencing, but it includes the open chance to forming meaningful and positive emotions when we build things. To put it lightly our increased desire to contribute and improve connotates the bad end of negative feelings when disengaging meaningful behavior as well as the good end of positive ones when engaging.
So for example, now that I have grown, playing video games for extended periods of time makes me feel depressed. I am not contributing or growing of course, certainly not in contrast with what different I can do at this time, from reading, to writing to swimming. This is a stark difference from my past self of say 14-years old where I vividly remember investing my whole day on such activities with full joy. On a positive note I can invest my time in learning how to cook, or going to the gym, or yoga class all of which propagate positivity.
Before jumping into what we should do about all of this, quickly, I want to highlight the self-fulfilling prophecy where engaging in meaningless-ness such as mindlessly scrolling will as mentioned make you anxious and inactive. In turn, becoming anxious will make you less likely to get up and pursue something better, rather continue doomscrolling- Effectively containing you in the cycle, and this process follows the same with meaningful behavior. Think of the infamous ‘writer’s flow’ which follows a similar pattern of making progress on what you’re writing, and in turn amassing energy as you go which will make you write even more and writing even more will give you more energy, further making you write more.
The big umbrella of addiction, the epitome of the meaninglessness, follows that model closely, regarding the nature of the addiction (porn, alcohol etc.) resulting in the continuation and propagation of the victim in that cycle as mentioned.
So bearing all what we had talked about in mind what should one make of that? Well I would argue you should do the good things in life that make us grow, which thank God are very simple. Just a couple of straight forward things I do daily (or try to) include:
1- Read everyday
2- Hit the gym everyday
3- Meditate everyday
4- Take walks everyday
5- Watching series.
The second part I would argue for is specialization, which very simply is the idea that there is that one thing people are very 1 passionate about and 2 talented and exceptional at. In specialization essentially what one does is introspect themselves into figuring out what is it that fascinates them- what fascinates you? it’s the advice Jerry Seinfeld gave this year in his Duke commencement address. He argues we should pursue things we are truly fascinated by. Scott Galloway focused more on the latter point- which is knowing what you are talented at and develop your talent. (see: Self-made millionaire Scott Galloway: Why you shouldn't follow passion (cnbc.com)).
Understanding an area in which you are both good at and passionate about is the ethos of specialization, where you are to hone your abilities in that domain.
I would argue talent and fascination are actually associated since when you are really fascinated into something, you generally perform well in it. As well, you will be more inclined to both invest time to grow yourself in that domain, as well as be more inclined to get competitive with other people who are doing well in that domain.
Think of your favorite video game, particularly the ones with more competition in them- I am talking Fortnite, Call of Duty, Rocket League, Roblox etc. You can spend your whole day playing in order to get better and you rage intensely when presented with a more dominant opponent. A game, which is there for mere enjoyment, could develop into a mission, spending large sums of money on gear and game enhancers, as well as invest time watching boring improvement videos to get better.
Apply what we have talked about just now to a meaningful career. You will be happy to invest time, you will be getting better, you will be filled with joy, navigating through the intricacies when working/solving through a task. To put it shortly you’ll be getting better at the domain you are practicing in and you will be bombarded by an intense bomb of dopamine every time you get recognized at what you do as well as when you make a breakthrough.
Just like one of your video games except you are in real actual life. You are in reality. And you are aroused like we talked about. When you perform well you are not presented with some new score in the thousands as well as rewards, you are presented with a visit from a former client who attended your therapy practice two years ago, looking you in the eye choking up talking about how you gave them meaning in life. Not much will make you happier than that. That of course applies to whatever else you are passionate about not just therapy.
Specialization is inevitable. When we are young in school we take all classes in a general matter from varying fields and when we go to high school we start taking areas of study off our academics and we do the same to a larger extent at college. In work, usually we truly specialize ourselves in a specific profession which is where we offer our expertise. We are like the flowers that shed their petals as they grow.
Having a career that aligns with your fascinations and most importantly your talents will make your life meaningful.
Finally as we grow up our perception of the dominance hierarchy develops, which encapsulates what we had already talked about- the super-conscious desire to do well in life. At this time, we typically develop instincts to compare ourselves to others, measuring who met the metrics of life better, or as we talked about; growth, who is growing and developing. Infamously being low on the hierarchy will make you emotionally drained. You will perceive yourself in negative light which installs the self-fulfilling cycle we discussed where you are to continue suffering rather than find meaning. The cycle of meaningless, will hand you to the cycle of despair and addiction and that’s a whole other self-fulfilling cycle.
Not to focus on that much- I do not think this will happen to you, the point here is- our consciousness of dominance hierarchy coincides the regular growth we had mentioned. The dominance hierarchy explains many phenomenons, such as to why social media has been very detrimental to mental health as well as the idea that many believe poor people in rich countries are worse off than poor people in poor countries where in rich countries the poor and less fortunate will reference their situations with the available norm which is success and capital, and that is not what happens in the poor parts of the world where everyone is pretty much equally poor and hence the thought of social comparison is not even salient.
To wrap up I’ll just say this, hone your talents and also have a plan. I want to make it clear that this applies to both males and females, it is just more pronounced/landmark in men due to the hierarchy component but is overall relevant for both.
What I tell people is that they need to be busy all the time. And I know this may sound extreme, but it is not, it is a good thing, it is fun, it is meaningful to contribute. You need to be busy always with things, at least try to be so. When someone proposes an appointment for anything, you need to think it through, it needs to be a challenge to get a time where you are free. You need to carve out sometime from the week or day to accommodate. Trust me, it is in our free time that we overthink and stress life.
So take walks, go to the gym, do yoga, socialize outside, read books in a library, and most importantly- learn an instrument as not much will add meaning to your life like an instrument would. It doesn’t matter how old you are, no age range here. And once you become a pro at it you’ll join a team and if you perform well there you’ll join an orchestra and perform at the convention center and that is huge purpose in your life. I personally plan to learn the Violin soon. Our souls are naturally ebullient so let them be.
I would Encourage you to check out 80,000 Hours as well as well as NYU professor Scott Galloway and his recent book.